


Someday [Will I Be The One]

by TrickstersBlessing (Rinielle)



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Pining, Pre-Relationship, spoilers for episode 76
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-24
Updated: 2019-08-24
Packaged: 2020-09-25 01:22:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20368303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rinielle/pseuds/TrickstersBlessing
Summary: It was just a surprise, she tells herself as she walks away. A strange gnawing sensation in her stomach that had set in the moment Beau and Reani had disappeared out of sight. It had just happened very suddenly.





	Someday [Will I Be The One]

_It was just a surprise_, she tells herself as she walks away. A strange gnawing sensation in her stomach that had set in the moment Beau and Reani had disappeared out of sight. It had just happened very suddenly. One minute they were just all talking and the next… Her stomach clenches and something pricks at her eyes.

_Ash_, she thinks, they were in a volcano after all. It wasn’t surprising that there would be ash and smoke in the air. She wipes away the tears forming and shakes her head. Heading towards the main chamber of the kiln. Maybe the air would be a little better there with all its open space and vents. At the very least there will be something to watch.

“You already do…” she jumps slightly, hearing Caleb’s voice. It came from just behind her and she peers into the little chamber off to the side of the hallway and sees him sitting there, all alone. Odd. Well, for someone other than Caleb it would be. She shakes her head again, and carries on to her destination; finding Caduceus sat, his eyes half closed, cross-legged on the floor just inside the entryway. He doesn’t acknowledge her, but they had all learned by now that that didn’t mean he wasn’t aware of them.

“I think Caleb is going crazy,” she says lightly.

He blinks a little and finally glances up. “You think Caleb’s going crazy.”

“Ja,” She replies, spinning a little on the spot and flopping to the floor. Fanning her skirts out around her. Her lovely new dress is already getting so ratty. She’s been trying to keep up with mending the rips but there was only so much magic she could waste on maintaining her clothes. She should ask Reani how she keeps her clothes so beautiful... Maybe. Maybe not. No, she should!

“Why?” Caduceus asks.

“Cos he’s just talking to himself so much,” she replies.

Caduceus is silent for a moment, listening. “I think he’s talking to Nott,” he says.

Jester blinks. Of course that made so much more sense than Caleb just sitting talking to himself. She hadn’t seen Nott when she looked in, but then Nott was quite small and she had a way with not being seen. Besides she’d had ash in her eye, or something, she must just have missed her.

“You okay?” The question catches her off guard.

“Me?”

“Yeah you,” Caduceus replies, and gives her one of those gentle smiles of his.

She doesn’t mean to lie to him; not when he was looking at her so kindly. Honestly she isn’t even sure she knew it was a lie until she said it out loud.

“Oh yeah.” she says, “I’m fine.”

Except that she’s not. She hasn’t really been completely fine for a while, but right now, she realises suddenly that she’s not fine at all. She should be. They’d outsmarted a dragon and lived. They’d stolen a few really cool magical items from the people who were at least partially responsible for her kidnapping and gotten away completely unseen. They’d gotten everything they needed to help Fjord, to help Caduceus. They’d met Reani who was, amazing, and pretty, and cool, and fun… and pretty. She’d had so many great pastries in the last few days. She should be fine. She should be great.

In her mind Beau catches her eye for a moment as she kisses Reani and Jester’s stomach churns.

She lies again.

“I’m always fine,”

He calls her on it. Of course he does, he’s Caduceus. She knows, logically, that he’s not psychic or anything, but sometimes it feels like he might be. She tries jokingly to wave it off, but he doesn’t take the bait. He tells her she deserves more pastries. It’s a metaphor for something, she knows, for credit, for acknowledgement. He tells her they’re all here for her. She bites back more tears, because whilst part of her knows that it’s true, it hasn’t felt that way for a while. Fjord has had so much going on, he hasn’t had any time for her recently. Caleb is kind, but it’s hard to know how to talk to him sometimes. Nott… She’s so worried about Nott and she’s tried to help but it only seemed to make things worse. Yasha is gone and Beau… Beau’s been there. Jester knows it would be unfair to say otherwise. Beau’s been there at every turn.

Why does that make her feel sad?

She lets herself be distracted, for a time. She sits with Caduceus and shares her cupcakes with him. He’s nice company. Calming. They don’t say much else, mostly sit quietly, listening to the sounds of clanging metal on metal as one half of their goal is coming to fruition. She isn’t usually one for comfortable silence, but it feels right for now, so she lets her mind echo with the sound and nothing else. Until finally she feels ready to sleep.

The traveller comes to her as she walks back to the area she’d chosen to sleep.

‘_You deserve all the cupcakes_’

She laughs it off, reaches her bed roll and settles herself in for the night. Beau’s empty one lies just across from her, and she bites her lip.

She doesn’t want cupcakes she realises. She doesn’t even really want credit for the things she does. It’s nice to hear it, but she knows it in her heart that they appreciate her; and she doesn’t want to be appreciated right now.

She wants someone to look at her the way Reani looked at Beau… The way that Beau looked at Reani, right before she kissed her. She wants...

She sighs and turns over, drawing her blanket over her head. Tears prick at her eyes again, and she knows she can’t blame the ash this time. She lets them fall.

The roll beneath her head is damp before she’s even fully aware of how long she’s been crying. It’s long enough that she's run out of tears. Long enough that suddenly Beau’s footsteps are creeping across the floor towards her. That is a surprise. She hadn't expected Beau to return for the rest of the night. She hadn't last time, with Keg.

Slowly, gently she goes past, heading for her bed. Trying not to wake her. Whether she thinks she’s been successful or not, once she’s settled herself down there’s a moment of silence before she shuffles a little and says softly into the darkness of the room.

“Night Jessie,”

Jester stays quiet. Lets her think she hasn’t been woken.

The gnawing feeling of - she admits it - jealousy in her gut ebbs, just a little. Partially replaced by little fluttering sensations.

Whilst she’s being honest with herself, here, in the dark. The distant clank of metal still echoing around in her mind. She also lets herself admit that the new feeling is relief.

Relief that Beau came back to her.

She lets herself admit that it’s hope.

Hope that, perhaps, the next time Beau looks at someone that way, the next time she leans in to kiss someone that way. Some how. Someday. Jester will have gotten the courage to make sure it’s her.

**Author's Note:**

> Super super quick fic done in the wake of Ep76.
> 
> I just, needed to explore the idea that Jester is finally realising that she actually likes Beau as more than a friend. Hence her sad mood towards the end.


End file.
